An Open Heart

To have an open and caring heart is more than just giving words to a situation. It is denoted by your actions; to your fellow man and to all living beings. This is not dependent upon their beliefs, their skin colour, their religion or their gender it is dependent only on how we accept difference.

Can anyone of us imagine our children or animals judging us on any one of the above categories? Many of us look to our children and our animals and often times wish human kind as adults could love so purely, so unconditionally. Yet those same people who claim to wish this for human kind are often the very first to judge and censor others.

If we wish to see change in the world around us, we must first be that change. We must look to our own hearts and wonder if indeed they are open or if our hearts are closed upon our beliefs and any who think, look or feel differently are to be judged, shunned or ridiculed.

The human race claims to be of higher intelligence, yet that seems to come at the price of peace, love and inclusiveness. Is it intelligent to disconnect with the world around us? Is there not a huge amount of arrogance in thinking our intelligence is greater than the laws of nature? That we know better because we have run a few studies? Nature has been running her studies for many an age, her experiment with us may be on the point of failure.

With open hearts we can all begin to accept the differences in the world around us. With love not hatred we can learn to live in the peace that we all crave. With open hearts we will not be the cause of another's pain and when we are free from causing pain to others we will truly reap the rewards of happiness.

Random acts of kindness will become the norm and not only to those that we deem the same as us. When we begin to reach out to those who challenge our hearts we will understand what love really is. When we hold on to friendships, even when we learn a friend is of a different belief or persuasion than we are, we will learn so much more about not only their beliefs but also about ourselves. We will grow as conscious loving beings.

Fear is the enemy of an open heart and personal growth. Let us not give in to fear, let us be courageous and fly in the face of fear, and love our neighbour no matter their differences to us. Let us reach out to that friend who is different to us and love them and care for them as fiercely as we did before we learnt of those differences. Let us love with the innocence of the child we once were.

Beating Back The Beast- Six weeks, three days

Feeling Accomplished! 
The day is still early but I have had one win against the beast this morning. I increased the distance of my run today and broke the 4 km mark. Still grinning!

I have to be honest today's was not easy. I am still struggling with the effects of this flare up but I WILL NOT let the beast win two days in a row. The thing the beast has failed to take into account is I am VERY competitive! The first half of the workout went reasonably well but in the final half, the run intervals were extremely difficult. By the end of each interval I was barely shuffling as my muscles tied up and did not function. I pushed through it though, I am nothing if not obstinate and tenacious.

The Beast may hold some sway when I am trying to motivate myself to workout but once the workout has started it doesn't get a say. I pushed myself past the muscle fatigue and kept moving. As the workout neared its end I knew I could complete one more run interval and so pushed as hard as I could to complete it at more than a shuffle. This took all of my focus. I thank my martial arts training for giving me the depth of focus and strength of character to push through adversity. It would be so easy to say 'screw it, I give up', and to be honest there have been times in the last five years I have done just that but this time I will not.

I have set my goals and I WILL attain them.

On a side note yesterday due to the Beasts little tantrum I suffered from a sudden retention of fluid. I had been working in the heat, in the garden, came in and I had blown up like I had been on a long distance flight. Now this is not recommended but as I had to go take karate classes, I took one of my hubby's fluid retention pills. Many trips to the loo and and a few hours later and I had dropped the fluid again. Thank goodness. My hands had been so inflamed I couldn't close them and my face was just scary, lol. The day was saved, I managed to take class and no small children were frightened in the process.

Heading out.

Yay 4km.

Coming home to this face.

Beating back The Beast- Six week one day.

Mum's lost her mind! I am almost certain this is what Bridie was thinking this morning as she and her kids waited for me at the gate, waiting, waiting for me to finish my run and take them home.

I am using a new run app and it means I was running for 35 minutes. I should clarify that, it is an interval training program so I was running and walking for 35 minutes. Around the fifteen minute mark the hounds suggested we go home, heading for the gate each time I made a circuit. By the 25 minute mark they had set up camp at the gate. By the 30 minute mark they were certain OCD had claimed me and I would continue to go in circles forever more. They were now sending out smoke signals for someone to rescue them. Poet my dear wee, loyal boy continued to run and support me even if I had lost my mind.

I have to admit it was something of a mixed training, as the effects of eating something toxic to my system still grips me. I found that each time I started to run I felt better and stronger than I have on previous runs but the muscle fatigue gripped me strongly by the end of each run section. Also my sinuses were not happy campers. The headache may continue for the rest of the day.

Oh this note I have to voice my opinion on companies changing the recipes of their products without warning the consumer. I admit maybe it is lazy of me not to read the ingredients of the product EVERY time I purchase it but it can be tiresome and makes shopping a very long and protracted experience.

If I have read the labels before and I have eaten the product with no reactions I take the producers on trust and believe the product to be safe. Not so this week when I purchased Little Island Coconut Creamery ice cream. Yes I know it has sugar, yes I am supposed to be removing sugar from my diet but come on who doesn't like a treat once in a while. I am human too.

The packaging had changed on the product but there was nothing to suggest the recipe itself had changed. Come on Little Island could you not have put a sticker on it notifying consumers of the change. The two ingredients you have added are glucose and maltodextrin both of these ingredients are sourced from grain. And not just any grains but usually wheat, corn or barley. All of these are known triggers for people with autoimmune disorders. To tell me you have sourced the best quality organic versions of these products is a little disingenuous. It makes no difference to those who react to these grains.

My research into the causes of, and how to put my Hashimoto's into remission all tell me that grains are inflammatory and should be removed from the diet. I know from my own responses that even the tiniest amount of these products can cause a disproportionate response. I couldn't understand why I had woken in the night with my joints so inflamed I couldn't close my fists.Why I felt the crushing weight of fatigue over my whole body. Until after dragging myself around all day and working in the garden I thought I would have a little ice cream. I took one very small spoonful and my mouth immediately reacted, burning and prickling with the instant response. I picked up the container and read with great dismay what had now been included in the recipe.

I will now have to detox for the next couple of weeks and I know that will suffer from fatigue, inflammation and pain for the duration of that two weeks. I am unimpressed with Little Island's lack of information to it's consumers.

To our 'food' industry I say it is time you became aware of the consequences of your actions. A little sticker placed on the top of the product would have alerted those who have allergies to the changes. Do not say this is such a minority of your consumers it is not financially viable as the coconut products that are now on the market are there to fill a gap. That gap is for those that have dairy intolerance's. A word to the wise many people do not have an allergy to just one food group and you will not build trust by poisoning your consumers.

She's lost her mind I tell you!

I'm a little concerned that it appears I was staggering around the course going by the graphic.

Beating Back The Beast - Five weeks, 5 days

The importance of being present in the moment.
Every year at this time when my focus turns to my students end of year gradings this topic comes up. How to achieve our goals, how to stay focused, how to conquer our fears and be the best that we can be. All of these things are well within our control but are lost by feeling overwhelmed. We become overwhelmed when we allow ourselves to step outside the moment we are currently living and experiencing. I experienced it myself on Monday morning when the earthquake hit.

When the quake first rumbled and rolled under our house I coped well, identifying that it was a quake (remember this hit while we were all sleeping) assessing my surroundings and making snap decisions based a plethora of experience with quakes. This quake was long and rolling, the sort we in Canterbury all know will be devastating somewhere. The longer the quake rolled on the more my mind went to the city and all of the folk there.

The last big quake had devastated Christchurch, lives were lost and the city fell. I allowed myself to start to fear for what might have happened there again. The more my mind dwelled on this the less control I had on what was happening around me. In my wish to save the world I was forgetting to care for myself first. It was in this moment I fell into a state of overwhelm. Trying to take on all possibilities whether they had happened or even whether they would happen.

To regain control I had to step back into the moment and look at what I could control there and then. What I could be doing in that moment to care for myself and those around me. This was again a reminder to embrace the lessons I pass on to others.

Stay in the moment in every moment that you are living, the past is gone and cannot be changed. The future has not happened yet so it cannot be influenced unless you work in the moment you are in. I always take this into my karate training. I have learned the hard way over the years as I endeavoured to attain my Black Belt. A grading can seem completely overwhelming if you focus on it as a whole, but if you focus only on the technique or exercise you are asked to perform in any moment it is actually very easy. You can give your best to everything and the things you feared most are easily achieved.

I have not though taken this into my battle with the Beast. I have been looking at this with overwhelm. Focusing on how huge the battle is to change my diet, how restrictive it will be, how depressing family holidays will be. I was not in the moment. I have worried about how my training today will affect my energy and pain levels tomorrow. It is time to live in the moment, it is time to allow how I feel in any given moment dictate how I train, to listen to my body in the moment it will tell me.

Beating the cravings for sugar will be easier if I don't allow myself to be overwhelmed by all the things in the future that I believe I will not enjoy because I cannot have a treat. See when I put it like that it seems very silly. But it is amazing how the brain, when it is allowed to go into overwhelm, will give us cheats no matter how little credibility they have.

 It is time to apply what I have learned in my arts to all of my life. Not just portions of it. It is time to take back control from the Beast by not allowing anxiety over what has happened or what might happen affect the moment I am in. I will deal with what ever comes with focus and calm knowing I am doing my very best in the moment I am in.

Beating Back The Beast- Five weeks.

Focus on fitness. I am pleased with how well my fitness is improving. Today's workout was 20 minutes but it was intense drills. Each drill was followed by either ten sit-ups or ten pushups.  I am finding the my muscles are coping better now that I have removed the chocolate. I get far more reps and they are not tying up so badly. I guess it was the dairy in the chocolate that was causing the problems. I am still having tendinitis issues but even they are much improved on what they were four weeks ago.

I still have days where my energy levels are non existent but I am finding that as my body lets me I can now use exercise to help boost those levels a little at times. This is promising. Instead of crashing completely if I try to do anything physical I am actually getting a little boost. I hope it will continue to improve. There has to be a pay off for eating this bland, restrictive diet.

On a side note a Chinese Crested Powder Puff dog is not always the best training partner, Poet!. His want to be as close as possible to me at all times can become a hindrance, either in the forest when I am stumbling along on my run placing one foot in front of the other or in the confines of my lounge working my drills. I feel under threat of tripping on him on my runs and in the home well lets say he may have a tender paw for a few days after sneaking up behind me. He chose that path as I had put him numerous times on the sofa 2 feet away. Not close enough apparently. So he spent the duration in his crate. Poor hard done by baby.

Poet does not like his man-bun. He continues to try and dislodge it whenever my back is turned.

Beating Back The Beast- four weeks six days

Where did it all begin? I have been doing some research trying to understand why the Beast chose me. Maybe I hope that in discovering the why, I may be closer to answering how! How do I rid myself of the Beast for good.

This research has led me to some interesting information. I will continue to follow these leads and try to uncover more information from further sources. The information I have been reading talks of autoimmune diseases and cancer and the exploding epidemic. It follows this back to the development of the polio vaccination.  Researchers developed two polio vaccines(inactivated and live) grown in cultures made from monkey kidneys. In the 50's these vaccines were given to million's of people around the world.

A cancer causing virus originating in monkeys , SV-40, was discovered in the polio vaccines. The same vaccines that had been administered to these millions of people. This virus SV-40 has been found in brain tumours, bone cancer, lung cancer and leukemia. It can be transmitted from mother to child in utero.

It was also found that the monkeys that were used to develop the polio vaccine were infected with the simian immune deficiency virus ( SIV). This virus is closely related to the (HIV) virus. There are researchers who question whether HIV may actually just be the SIV virus residing and adapting to its human hosts.
Monkey

In 1996 microbiologist  Dr Howard B, Urnovitz spoke at a national AIDS conference. He revealed that up to 26 monkey viruses may have been in the original polio vaccines developed by Salk. This include the simian equivalents of the human echo cirus, Epstein Barr (EBV), coxsackie herpes(HHV-6, HHV7 and HHV8), adenoviruses and cytomegalovirus.  Dr Urnovitz believes the contaminated vaccines given to children between 1955 and 1961 may have set that generation up for immune system damage and neurological disorders. He found correlations between early vaccination campaigns and the sudden emergence of several cancers and  herpes, Epstein Barr and chronic fatigue syndrome.

 I myself have been found to have the Epstein Barr virus in my system. I have worked with Naturopath's to eliminate it. It was what was blamed early on for my chronic fatigue, prior to my diagnosis with Hashimoto's.
I have said this requires much more research on my behalf but as I research I believe it is important to share this information with everyone.

We are force fed immumisations, we are told it is for the good of all. We are pressured and blackmailed into giving these vaccinations to our precious children. If we question the safety of these vaccinations we are called out as uneducated, as irresponsible, but if we delve deeper into the epidemics of ill health that plagues us now, the conditions our grandparents and their parents never suffered from, we start to see startling patterns emerging.

So I leave you where I started....Where did this all begin. I believe it is our responsibility to ask questions, to look for our own answers. I know very well that modern medicine has no answers for me, at least not in this country. So I will look for my own. I do not want to look for conspiracy theories but the fact that we have to search ourselves for this information tells me a lot. There is a very lucrative industry built around autoimmune disorders and cancer. And pharmaceuticals? wow what an industry that is.

Today's workout was moving all the cinder-blocks so I could preparing the area for the garden.

Beating Back The Beast - four weeks, five days.

Fell off the wagon! Yesterday I  ate a small chocolate bar. It didn't taste as I remembered it, it seems to have lost its flavour. What it did do though was turn me into the energiser bunny. My poor students. Just as well my Japanese student wasn't there. he struggles to understand English at the best of times and last night I was speaking so fast I am not sure my English speaking students could understand me. It did mean my work out was also done at high speed.

The chocolate bar yesterday did though reinforce what I know about myself, I reach for sugar in times of stress. Something to watch for in the future. The workout last night was a good destresser  and I am hoping that as my body allows me to train more I will need to reach for the sugar less and less.

I am still disappointed on a daily basis that I am not losing any weight at all. It seems I eat very little and i am increasing my activity levels but weight loss is elusive. I am trying not to let this affect my motivation to stay off the chocolate. The Beast whispers , but it isn't making a difference and look how much energy you had last night. I yell back at the Beast, LOOK AT HOW GOOD I HAVE BEEN FEELING, LOOK AT MY RUN TIME!

The Beast continues to whisper but I did not have chocolate today.

Beating Back The Beast- Four weeks, three days

One Minute! That is what I took off my 2 k run today. A whole freaking minute! Crazily even though I am still running walking and this is, in the scheme of things, a nana run time I am really kind of chuffed with myself.

I have had quite a battle with the beast this week. As I increase my exercise and activity the beast has been biting back with a good dose of fatigue. Hence why I haven't done a blog for several days, I have been completely shattered by evening. This is also why I have chosen to do my blog this afternoon rather than wait until I am once again in a vegetative state this evening.

It's a beautiful day to be challenging my limits and striking a blow against the beast. Sun's shining and it is a lovely warm spring day. I am now running more than walking ....YAY finally. It's a struggle and to call it running is a slight exaggeration but it is more than a walk. Onward and upward.

It may be time for a mini goal. To be running the full 2 k by Christmas. While that probably sounds infinitely achievable for most folk, I am sitting here wondering if I can possibly achieve it. But that is what goals are for, to challenge us, push us to do things outside of our comfort zone. Make us re-evaluate what we are capable of. Once upon a time I would have scoffed at such a goal, my younger self, or back only 7 or so years ago when the Beast was sleeping. Now it seems almost a high as the mountain I had to climb to reach my fitness goals for my black belt.

To paraphrase Sir Edmund Hillary, let's see if we can knock this bastard off too.

Heading out.

Beating Back the Beast - Three weeks, five days

I am fighting back! I didn't eat fruit for two days but the something is still feeding the Beast. I did fall off the wagon today and ate some fruit but otherwise I have stayed strong. I have found without the fruit I am shattered by the evenings, hence why I didn't post after class last night. I did train though and made it a short intense training.

I am going to look into sourcing supplements this week. I need to give my body what it isn't getting from my diet. Eating AIP is not an inexpensive way to live. It is costly and time consuming and then you need to purchase supplements to boost the intake of certain nutrients to help the body fight the constant battle against the beast. A good portion of my time this week will be chasing down supplements that don't contain fillers and tableting agents that feed the beast. No mean feat I can assure you.

The tendonitis I have been experiencing is a little relived today and I believe that is the removal of the fruit but it has not alleviated the swelling or the headaches. I do admit I know it takes longer than a couple of days but I do usually see a marked difference very quickly if it is a food reaction I am experiencing. There are a couple of things I suspect may be the irritants but I am resistant to removing them. The last two things I actually enjoy. That make eating a somewhat bearable experience.

I am hopeful that things will settle without removing them but it is most likely in vain.

Food is Fuel!

Beating back The Beast - Three weeks, Three days

A win to the Beast!

Even without chocolate in my diet and sticking to the autoimmune protocol there are still foods that are feeding the Beast. The inflammation in my joints and tendons was painful today, so no training. It was enough to get through my chores, to train on top of that might have risked injury so today I spend working on the cover of my book instead of on myself.

I haven't managed to nail down what is causing the problems at present but I am on the trail. I am fairly certain that not eating any veggies last night certainly didn't help. As much as I dislike veggies they have to be a mainstay of my diet if I am to beat the Beast. How I envy those folk who love veggies. If only I could dress them up with sauces or dressings but instead I get the full joy of all their flavours.

I tried pineapple today as a fruit. That may not have been the best option but I wanted to stay away from pears today. It becomes obvious I should just forego fruit altogether but trading fruit for veggies is not a winning deal in my eyes.

So I acknowledge the Beast's win and allow it it's victory for today, tomorrow I take back the podium!

Chicken and salad .....again!

Beating Back the Beast - Three weeks, two days.

It has been one week and one day since I last ate chocolate. I have been trialling different fruits in an attempt to give myself the energy I need to train. Some days are just harder than others. I have to admit the Beast has a way of playing with my ability to think and function at times at anywhere near my normal level. Nothing more awkward when I am trying to have a conversation with someone and my line of thought is whipped away because something else has caught my eye.

Talking to parents today who had brought their wee girl to class for the first time and watching the Sampei's take class. Constantly distracted by things happening in class. After my busy week last week the Beast is biting back. Loss of concentration and that connective tissue is nagging again. Days like this my commitment to this cause falters a little. I am still on track but combine lack of concentration with pain and you have a great recipe for shutdown. Thank goodness for class and the responsibility to fulfill commitments.

I also almost caved in and had chocolate. That fix to get me through the classes. But the thought of having gone through this week for nothing kept me on track. I could not face having to go through this last week all over again.

I have no appetite for food tonight so I think it will just be a couple of paleo sausages for me tonight. Not a balanced meal but I have no energy left to make a salad or to cook.

Tomorrow..... I hear you Scarlett...Tomorrow!

Beating Back the Beast - Three weeks, one day

It's all about your training partners!

Motivation was low today. It was run day and I really wasn't feeling it. Finally after much procrastination I put on my running clothes. Poet was ecstatic the hounds also keen to get going. I had to un-rug the horse first, the hounds enthusiasm as they waited impatiently sadly was not contagious but it did bolster my commitment to the run.

Leads on everyone and we headed off, even my 13 year old Irish Wolfhound was more enthusiastic than I was. She had a grin splashed across her face and the joy of a simple walk was lighting her eyes. If this wonderful old being could find such joy in her exercise no matter her old joints and stiff back then I too would find my joy.

Walking across the paddock the birds were singing and the sun was warm. It was one of the most perfect spring days you could ever witness. How could I remain so reluctant to be out here. Once through the gate and into the forest I released the hounds and waited for Millie to catch up. She may find joy in her walks but she is infinitely slower than she used to be.  While waiting I had to catch a video and some shots of the others as they took in the beauty of the day.

Turning on my run mapper I let Millie through the gate and set off, determined that today I would try and run more than walk. I did approximate a run more than I walked but I would have to say that the shuffle I was reduced to at times was closer to a nana shuffle than a run. But I persevered and plugged on.

There is definitely still something I am reacting to in my diet as my sinuses were not playing ball as I tried to concentrate on my breathing. I still need to be looking at the different fruits I am trying. Thought I may have had it yesterday as I had much less angioedema this morning.

The little dogs ducked and dived around me as I ran almost tripping me several times but their sheer joy at being out with me kept me focused on the run.

2.1km today in 17.36 minutes. I shaved a whole 14 seconds off last weeks time. Sigh! I will do better.

The benefit to my soul out weighed the benefits to my fitness today. This was truly a beautiful day to be alive and beating back the Beast.

Beating Back The Beast - week two , day six

Still chocolate continues to haunt me. I was sitting getting my hair done today at the salon when, I was getting hungry as it neared lunchtime and what should come on the radio but an advert for Whittaker's chocolate. If it had been a Cadbury ad I could have blank it out, but no it was a Whittaker's ad! the chocolate of the gods! The salon is two stores down from the Four Square ( mini mart) one of my local chocolate dealers.

When I left the salon the pull of the dealer was strong in me. I almost turned to my left, almost! My head did turn and my stomach rumbled but my feet beat a hasty path to my vehicle. Quickly I let myself in and started the engine, as I drove past the store I steadfastly held my gaze on the road not daring to glance sideways in case my hands turned the truck back to the curb in front of the dealer.

I made it home, crisis averted.

But we have my mother in law staying for a few days and it was roast night, so my daughter brought home a bottle of wine. Not just any wine but my favourite wine.

Wine is not Chocolate!

Wine was drunk.

I know this is bad but it was not chocolate. This can be stopped after one glass, chocolate cannot. Except tomorrow night we celebrate my daughters new job......so perhaps another glass! But at least it's not chocolate.

Today's work out as follows;
100 punches with 2kg dumbells
30 situps
25 squats w/ 2kg dumbells
50 calf raises w/ 2kg dumbells
20 sprawls
25 bicep curls w/ 2kg dumbells
20 shoulder-flys w/2kg dumbells
1 minute plank.

Workout was perhaps too light but I am taking care of the elbow and  knee at present. Hopefully soon the inflammation will abate and I can push the workouts up.

Roast lamb, kumara and salad.

The effects of a small glass of wine when one no longer drinks much.

Beating Back The Beast - two weeks, five days

On tonight's episode of Master Puke NZ we have the culinary delight of beef patties served with a salad of Cabbage, Silver Beet (Chard) Italian Parsely and Chives.

Food is frigging fuel!

Today was grocery shopping day. Today made me grumpy about food, mainly because there is hardly an aisle in the store that does not contain chocolate in some form or another. Sadly the family has to eat and I have to shop for them, and everywhere I go I have chocolate shoved under my nose! To top it off the super market had the chocolate gods, The Whittaker's, chocolate on special. Front and centre was the fruit and nut bar............sigh.

I can only imagine the looks I was getting as I gazed longingly at the display as I slowly pushed my shopping trolley past in true Bridget Jones fashion. I can only imagine those looks because my attention was riveted firmly on those bars that were calling my name. How I avoided mowing down old ladies and little children is somewhat of a minor miracle. Perhaps I should not be allowed in charge of a trolley until I am past this stage of my withdrawals.

I stood firm though and that is thanks to you my readers. I didn't want to let you all down. I am a third degree black belt for goodness sake, I need to have self discipline. I have many times pulled this statement out to save myself. Whether it be from chocolate or to drag my sorry butt out of bed and through my days. To get the livestock fed and to take care of my chores. Many times I have berated myself that I am a black belt, harden up and prove it. It almost always works without fail. Thank goodness for that little reminder to my psyche that I am made of sterner stuff than the Beast. 

So thank you everyone for your support you saved me today when I might have faltered. Pulled me back from the metaphorical edge, albeit grumpily.

Today I hate my food more than ever! Especially after the torture of shopping and having a guest in the house, cooking yummy food for them while I ate the Master Puke offering. Food is fuel!!!!!

Beating Back The Beast - two weeks, four days

I love learning, I try to learn something new every day. The beast also likes learning and tries to show me new ways it can mess with me on a regular basis. Sometimes my learning coincides with some new thing the Beast is showing off.

Since the beginning of the year I have had this problem with swelling around my eyes and lips. When I stopped chocolate for those three months this settled a little but would still flare up. Sometimes so badly I would only go out with my sunglasses on. Scared I would frighten little children and increase the cardiac incidents in my local area!

I happened to be reading an article about a blood pressure drug the other day and it listed one of the side effects as Angioedema. Apparently similar to hives. Well we have been down the hives path and apparently I have not listened well enough to the Beast and it has changed things up on me. I ate fruit yesterday instead of chocolate. Surprise!!! I woke up this morning looking like I had done several rounds with Joseph Parker! NZ's latest boxing protege for those who don't know him.

Yay me !

So this led me to look up Angioedema to see whether this was what I am suffering from. Seems most likely it is ...

Angioedema- 

Hives are often called welts. They are a surface swelling. It is possible to have angioedema without hives.

causes are

Angioedema may be caused by an allergic reaction. During the reaction, histamine and other chemicals are released into the bloodstream. The body releases histamine when the immune system detects a foreign substance called an allergen.

I am fairly certain this was caused by blackcurrant and apple fruit snacks. All natural, no cane sugar, just fruit. BUT.......

Picking my way through this thing is like walking a mine field. Takes balls and bloody mindedness but I will beat this Beast. I WILL!

Tonight was stairs night, no arm work but my whole body was feeling the after effects of the reaction to that fruit. Sigh .....tomorrow.

Beating Back The Beast - two weeks, three day

No Chocolate! Two days without chocolate. I not feeling any different yet. Maybe in a few more days. Still want chocolate, still wanting to gnaw my arm off in lieu of chocolate. But I have resisted. I am hoping the shift away from chocolate again will help the inflammation in my tendons. My right arm is particularly bad at them moment and I am trying hard to limit the damage. Trouble is I do not want to stop training and the gardens at this time of the year need many hours of work. So I have to get inventive about the things I am doing.

Today's workout was an ab workout added to around three hours spent in the garden. No mean feat gardening around here. The wilderness has been beaten back a little today and weather permitting maybe some more this week. Back to training tomorrow night after a public holiday yesterday. Will have to make the class a good one to make up for the day off. Also will have to start thinking of some challenging exercises that do not involve arm work.

Chicken and salad again for dinner tonight. Food is fuel....food is fuel.... if I repeat it enough times I may just convince myself.

Beating Back the Beast - two weeks two days

Today was a win !! I did not eat chocolate! As a hardened chocoholic that is quite an accomplishment, I do however want to eat my own arm off!

Why is it so hard to forgo the creamy, brown delicacy that is chocolate. It disguises itself as the elixir of life. We find it irresistible. We give it as tokens of our love and gratitude yet it is an insidious monster. Looking all harmless and inviting it tempts us to taste it, calls to us with a voice only we can hear but once it passes our lips it's true identity is revealed and it feeds the Beast within  us.

So today was a win I did not partake of this temptress, the Pied Piper of the Beast. I did not let it pass my lips.

I have an admission to make for the first three and a half months of this year I did not let the temptress lure me but I stumbled to my demise around Easter time. You see Whittaker's makers of the finest chocolate this country produces pulled out all stops to bring me back into the fold. For the first time they made Easter eggs and not just any old Easter eggs, these tasty tempters were in the shape of a kiwi with it's egg. How could I resist. the Pied Piper had found my weakness, the thing I had always wanted most at Easter, chocolate in the egg form from the chocolate gods, the Whittaker's.

I bought one and hid it in my wardrobe. I would let it sit and wait for my birthday that was a few weeks later. Perhaps by then I would have forgotten it was there. FAT CHANCE! That bloody egg called to me every day to remind me it was there. The Pied Piper's flute was loud and insistent, come the 23rd of the month I flung open that door and ripped into the foil guarding my treasure from me. I scoffed that thing in seconds!

Since then I have managed a few days at most to resist the temptress. So today, a day without chocolate is a big thing. It is a day of strength when my body is not feeling so strong. But the biting of the Beast in the tendons of my arms fortified my resistance. The stab of pain in my hamstrings reminded me to turn away from the Piper. I didn't train today but I did a lot of yard work. I did not train today but it was still a win to me!

Today the beast goes hungry!

Chicken salad for dinner.

Beating back the Beast - two weeks, one day

This weekend has been all about my writing and my books. Two days at a writing seminar and then today I have been out at a local heritage park reading to the kids and hoping to sell a few copies of Battle For Arohanui and Little Bridie Boo the Puppy Who Grew..

It really is about making connections when you are in this game and today in little old Ashburton I made a few. I spent the day in the company of the gorgeous Princess Bridie, who although  her usual sweet and gentle self is a little too royal to enjoy the paparazzi and throngs of admirers that her mother adores. She was tolerant of the attention but didn't thrive on it as Millie does. I told her if she is going to be the star of her own books she will have to, 'Suck it up Princess.' I was given The Look for that one.

We garnered the attention of several people today, a reporter from one of the local newspapers and a book reviewer and also the local Rotary club, I can only hope that something comes from these connections made today. With all the setting up and taking down of our stall as well as the days interactions I have to admit to being shattered by the time I got home. So today's workout consisted of 20 wide pushups, twenty martial arts pushups, 10 triangle pushups, 20 sit-ups and 20 squats. A pathetic attempt but at least I did something.

Scarlet is that you I hear? ....tomorrow.....

I did see this quote today from Elizabeth Taylor and it struck a chord with me....

You just do it.
You force yourself to get up.
You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and god damn it, you refuse to let it get to you.
You fight.
You cry.
You curse.
Then you go about the business of living.
That's how I have done it.
There's no other way.

The beautiful Princess Bridie my companion for the day.

Beating Back the Beast - two weeks

My run mapper asked me to describe my run today, I gave it a one word rating......horrible. I had spent the day at a writing seminar and when I got home really wasn't feeling up to training at all. It's crazy but the Beast likes to mess with my head. You would think  sitting around doing nothing physical at all would be like a rest for the body wouldn't you? Not with the Beast playing its games it's not.

I had to cross my legs today to manage to write in my notebook. You know how you cross your legs and push up on your tip toes so you don't have to hunch over? Or is that just me? Anyway all that l;eg crossing and tip toeing left my knees swollen and sore to touch and my feet aching. Ridiculous I know but that is the way of the Beast. Even if you give it no reason to bite it will strike anyway.

Running seemed like an onerous chore by the time I got home, but I committed to this thing so there is no backing out. I managed to do a 2 k run walk and shaved around 20 secs per k off the run compared with last week. Not as much as I had hoped to do but I suppose if I factor in the condition of my  knees and feet plus the fatigue that was threatening to drown me
it was a reasonable effort.

Tonights effort for dinner was roast chicken with coleslaw and roast kumara, mmmmm I love roast night and although the kumara may have some negative side effects it does leave me feeling satisfied after my meal.

Bring on week 3

Beating Back The Beast - one Week 6 days

I have spent the evening feeding the mind, as essential as feeding the body. I attended a writing seminar given by Brian Turner a NZ Poet Laureate, as famous as his sporting brothers Glen and Greg. Brian calls himself a politiacal animal and suggests it is up to us a writers to ask questions, I pondered this on my long drive home.

Here is my question. Why do we the people let traditional medicine continue to peddle the poison's of the pharmaceutical companies upon us? Why do we allow governments and bureaucracy to tell us we must follow blindly and take their drugs and their toxins into our bodies?

It is my understanding autoimmune disease begins in the gut. I have done a lot of research over the years and it always leads me back to this understanding. The seat of the immune system is the gut. So why are so many of us suffering from gut problems so serious they lead to our immune systems attacking our own bodies or failing all together?

In my case I feel strongly that antibiotics have played a huge part in the break down of my gut. I was a child who suffered many chest and throat infections. With the knowledge I have now I am certain it was caused by intolerance to dairy products. Back then though Dr's were gods! No mother should have the temerity to question the word of the Dr. So they pushed antibiotics down my throat and into my sensitive gut instead of looking for the cause of my respiratory problems.

Finally my gut gave up the fight and I was left with the Beast. A beast that would destroy its own host given half a chance. Would a traditional Dr listen to my concerns? Would a traditional Dr answer my questions honestly?

Brian it seems I have a lot of questions but for the most part they would appear to be rhetorical, for I already know the answers to them. I have been treated to the contempt and scorn of the traditional Dr for many years, for I have had the temerity to question them.

Perhaps my true question to them and the powers that be should actually be, when will you put the welfare of your people, your patients before the financial gains of the big machine? When will we matter more than the almighty dollar and power?

Perhaps these are things I should have  meditated on earlier when I was doing my stretch program. I will leave you with this thought. I do not believe it is just the writer who should be asking these questions. Whether it be our health or our environment we should all be asking the questions that need to be asked. We should all be looking to take responsibility for our part in it. For our health for our children's health.

Beating Back The Beast -one week five days

Did the Beast win?. I didn't train today but instead of conceding a win to the Beast I am taking today as a rest day, a day for the body to heal.

The Beast did have a play in my decision but I had already been concerned I had not had a rest day in over a week. It is crucial to allow the body a day off. For muscle tissue to be allowed to heal, so although I may have had a dodgy tummy today, and that may have been because I have not been consistent with my diet (something the Beast punishes me for severely) I am taking a rest day!

I need to be more consistent with my nutrition but the thing is I hate cooking. I used to love to bake but that is now off the table. I have never really enjoyed cooking, and the fact that the foods I now get to eat are not even close to being on my favourite lists of foods doesn't help. I have actually come to the sad conclusion if it tastes like poop then it will be good for me, if it tastes good and I really like it it's guaranteed to have an adverse reaction on my body. Terrible attitude but the Beast has taught me well with its punishing ways.

So I continue to hate my food and have an intense dislike for cooking. This is not helpful as I will take shortcuts and I will not eat properly to avoid my two pet hates. This leads to days like today. Sigh I am my own worst enemy. But today is a rest day and tomorrow Scarlet...tomorrow!

Kumara (sweet potato) Fries, cabbage, kale, spring onion coleslaw and Beef and pork patties.

Beating Back The Beast - one week four days

Sensei wins the day. I got my mojo back today though I also got back the small amount of weight I had lost since the weekend. I had dropped 800 grams, this morning I found it, sigh. My energy levels were up though and I got not only my jobs done but put in a short interval training in the late morning as well as doing class tonight.

 I know 'pride cometh before a fall' but I am quite proud of myself today. After the day I had yesterday to get two training's in at different times of the daywas a good confidence booster. It is also a good way to get the metabolism firing. The morning training was short but it was intense, we live on a river terrace so I did ten sprints up the bank with a walk back down to control my breathing and heart rate before heading back up again.

 I love interval training. It gives me intensity but allows me time to reset, to catch my breath and allows my muscles to relax a little before the next blast of power. My goal will be to build on this until I can head down to the only hill in the area and do hill sprints of around 50 mtres with a walk back down. I used this as part of my training for my black belt and it worked a charm. The first time I did it I managed 5 but built to twenty reps by the time my grading came around. It's going to be interesting to see how many I can do when I head down there for the first time. It better be more than 5!

Still having a hate/ hate relationship with food. I just wish it could be interesting and flavoursome, sigh. But it is what it is, and at the end of the day it is only fuel. Ha! I will keep telling myself that until I believe it.

Beating Back The Beast - one week/ three days

 The beast has pulled down the veil and I am seeing the world through a movie lens, not quite connected to what is happening around me. I hate days like this the most I think. Days when the beast steals my connection to the world. I know it is the beast's way of punishing me for overdoing things but I will not be held down. I still got through my list of jobs for the day and I also did a very brief core workout.

Mabel my training partner this evening was not much help, she felt I really should be taking the day off, She may be right. She kept trying to convince me that playing wold be much more fun than working out. We compromised and did a little of both. Today I think is a draw. Beast 0 - Sensei Amanda 0

Scarlet's words echo in my head again. Tomorrow.........

I was also reminded today by a friend to look into my supplements, especially magnesium malate. I will also replenish my supply of selenium. Both of these minerals are very good for muscles and connective tissue. Perhaps with a little support from these I will be able to push forward a little more.

Onward and upward :)

Beating Back the Beast - one week two days.

The beast bit back a little today, probably not as harshly as I thought it would but bite it did. The connective tissue around my sacrum and my hips, knees, shoulders and elbows has been inflamed and painful all day. Not much sleep for the tossing and turning and a slow start into the day. A good reason to get stuck into some book work.

Monday is training night so I rocked up to class wondering just how things would go. Decided we would have an ab and ground technique night. Some of my joints screamed but I managed to push through. Surprisingly it was my left shoulder that threw the biggest hissy fit and yet it had not shown many signs of a struggle throughout the day.

All in all a successful day, I find it is easier to push the core workouts on days when my energy levels are low and the body is sore. Running today would have been impossible but there are ways around the beast.

Before I leave tonight I want to ask everyone to keep my friend Toni in their thoughts. She was the wonderful owner of one of my dogs from my last Irish Wolfhound  litter, Murphy Brown. He passed away suddenly today and his lost is felt keenly by those who knew his beautiful loving nature. Godspeed Murphy!

Beating Back the Beast - one week - one day

Today was a good day, though I have to admit it was a struggle to wake up and get going. Mornings are especially hard with Hashi's, the Beast doesn't like to stir early and even if I have the temerity to get up I often seem to be on pause until around lunch time. Today was different.

Today I dragged myself out of my bed and dressed in my running clothes, forgoing breakfast I headed out to run. I had downloaded an app to the phone and was keen to give it a whirl. I was only going to take the two smallest dogs with me but Cooper begged to come, this woke the Queen who also demanded to come. I informed her I was going to run not walk and she may prefer to stay home. She disagreed. I then informed her she would have to do her own thing at the forest and she assured me that would be just fine with her.

For those of you who have not met the Queen she is a 13 year old Irish Wolfhound of a very determined nature. What the Queen wants the Queen gets. The walk over to the forest was more of a dawdle than anything as we encouraged the Queen to keep up. Cooper would have left her behind but I know better. So my new app was recording some very slow walking on my behalf though I could offer this as an excuse for my poor times I will not.In my defense I am walking running at this stage but even then I feel my times were rather pathetic. Oh well I can only improve.

3.1km in 29 minutes. 9.20 min/km

One good point is it shouldn't be too hard to improve on it, lol. Returning home my muscles were a little tight so I was sure to do a stretch workout as well. Finally breakfast though it was more brunch by this time. Still feeling good later in the day after my chores I got stuck back into those bricks. I am dreading what the beast has lined up for me tomorrow. I fear I may have poked it a little hard with a stick today, it never likes to see me over achieving.

On the food front, no chocolate today and just a little fruit. I made some meat patties last night and decided to trial some tapioca flour in them. Not too severe a reaction to it but blech they tasted disgusting and the texture was just plain gross. I won't do that again in a hurry. Another lesson learned.

Impossible to resist this face and look how happy she was that she got to come.

Beating back the beast - one week today

A week has passed since I set my goal. This week has seen steady gains in my training. The fact  my body has not given up on me this week is encouraging. I started out the week experiencing muscle tie up the day after my training's. Lactic acid build up in almost every muscle of my body but by the middle of the week this seemed to settle down. The stretch program is definitely making a huge difference. All in all a good week.

By increasing my core work I am finding I am standing taller and slouching less. It really doesn't take long to notice a difference in how you feel when you concentrate on getting some core work in everyday. It makes me feel stronger and fitter. This I know is an illusion but self delusion helps to motivate me, lol. I walk taller, feel better about myself and in doing so it increases my resolve to stick to the AIP protocol.

Today was indeed another day and I have so far beaten the sugar beast, cut my intake back to about a third of what is was yesterday, YAY. Now where's that chocolate bar so I can celebrate! Ha just kidding.

My work out today was a practical one. Another project I have set myself is to build a raised garden with a wee courtyard at its centre.  I am trying to do this project with as little financial investment as possible, recycling and doing the hard graft to pull it all together. The bricks I collected from the buy, sell, exchange for free, all need to be cleaned before they can be used again.

Today I made a good dent in the pile of red bricks. I had previously cleaned the cinder-blocks but this had caused a flare up in the ulnar nerve/tendons of my forearm.. One of the problems I risk in pushing through the pain is that I cause serious inflammation that will take months to dissipate. This meant that when I noticed the pain flaring up I had to quit for the day but it was satisfying to make head way on my project and use it as part of my fitness program. Also got the paddocks mucked out and had a short walk. It was such a gorgeous spring day today, life is good!

My physical activity has increased a lot this week and I am coping with it well.

Week one -  Sensei Amanda 1                     The Beast 0

before

after

What a difference a day makes. Gorgeous spring sunshine

Beating Back the Beast - Day 6

My plans for a run were scuppered today by the weather. The day dawned wet and cold! Now you may say don't be such a princess it's only a little rain, and I too would say that to anyone of normal health but I have learned the hard way what may seem a simple thing to others is not always the case for the immune compromised.

My problem with the wet and cold started a few winters back. I was feeding out to the stock in the freezing rain, my legs and hands got quite wet and very cold. I thought it would be a grand idea to have a hot shower to thaw myself out. This proved to be a learning opportunity for me. I learned that extreme temperature changes can bring on hives and not just any hives but hives so big my knees swelled to three times their normal size.

I was still seeing my "GP" back then and she informed me of what had happened and gave me steroids to control it. What she didn't tell me was that the steroids came with side effects. Which for someone who has a history of allergies etc may have been a red flag. Suffice it to say I chucked the steroids away when my heart rate went all over the place and a whole lot of other icky side effects kicked in. I suffered through the hives for some time until they finally went away. Lesson learned.

So a run today was out of the question, instead I did another circuit. I have to admit that by doing circuits the switch of muscle groups at each station allows me to workout for longer. It is not so much my fitness nor my determination that holds me back but the muscle fatigue that sees my muscles just quit working when they have to work for more than a few minutes at a time. By changing up the muscle groups I am able to get an effective workout and my energy levels actually increase.

On the sugar front......massive fail....in the words of Scarlet O'Hara - tomorrow, tomorrow is another day!