Beating Back The Beast- Six weeks, three days

Feeling Accomplished! 
The day is still early but I have had one win against the beast this morning. I increased the distance of my run today and broke the 4 km mark. Still grinning!

I have to be honest today's was not easy. I am still struggling with the effects of this flare up but I WILL NOT let the beast win two days in a row. The thing the beast has failed to take into account is I am VERY competitive! The first half of the workout went reasonably well but in the final half, the run intervals were extremely difficult. By the end of each interval I was barely shuffling as my muscles tied up and did not function. I pushed through it though, I am nothing if not obstinate and tenacious.

The Beast may hold some sway when I am trying to motivate myself to workout but once the workout has started it doesn't get a say. I pushed myself past the muscle fatigue and kept moving. As the workout neared its end I knew I could complete one more run interval and so pushed as hard as I could to complete it at more than a shuffle. This took all of my focus. I thank my martial arts training for giving me the depth of focus and strength of character to push through adversity. It would be so easy to say 'screw it, I give up', and to be honest there have been times in the last five years I have done just that but this time I will not.

I have set my goals and I WILL attain them.

On a side note yesterday due to the Beasts little tantrum I suffered from a sudden retention of fluid. I had been working in the heat, in the garden, came in and I had blown up like I had been on a long distance flight. Now this is not recommended but as I had to go take karate classes, I took one of my hubby's fluid retention pills. Many trips to the loo and and a few hours later and I had dropped the fluid again. Thank goodness. My hands had been so inflamed I couldn't close them and my face was just scary, lol. The day was saved, I managed to take class and no small children were frightened in the process.

Heading out.

Yay 4km.

Coming home to this face.

Beating back The Beast- Six week one day.

Mum's lost her mind! I am almost certain this is what Bridie was thinking this morning as she and her kids waited for me at the gate, waiting, waiting for me to finish my run and take them home.

I am using a new run app and it means I was running for 35 minutes. I should clarify that, it is an interval training program so I was running and walking for 35 minutes. Around the fifteen minute mark the hounds suggested we go home, heading for the gate each time I made a circuit. By the 25 minute mark they had set up camp at the gate. By the 30 minute mark they were certain OCD had claimed me and I would continue to go in circles forever more. They were now sending out smoke signals for someone to rescue them. Poet my dear wee, loyal boy continued to run and support me even if I had lost my mind.

I have to admit it was something of a mixed training, as the effects of eating something toxic to my system still grips me. I found that each time I started to run I felt better and stronger than I have on previous runs but the muscle fatigue gripped me strongly by the end of each run section. Also my sinuses were not happy campers. The headache may continue for the rest of the day.

Oh this note I have to voice my opinion on companies changing the recipes of their products without warning the consumer. I admit maybe it is lazy of me not to read the ingredients of the product EVERY time I purchase it but it can be tiresome and makes shopping a very long and protracted experience.

If I have read the labels before and I have eaten the product with no reactions I take the producers on trust and believe the product to be safe. Not so this week when I purchased Little Island Coconut Creamery ice cream. Yes I know it has sugar, yes I am supposed to be removing sugar from my diet but come on who doesn't like a treat once in a while. I am human too.

The packaging had changed on the product but there was nothing to suggest the recipe itself had changed. Come on Little Island could you not have put a sticker on it notifying consumers of the change. The two ingredients you have added are glucose and maltodextrin both of these ingredients are sourced from grain. And not just any grains but usually wheat, corn or barley. All of these are known triggers for people with autoimmune disorders. To tell me you have sourced the best quality organic versions of these products is a little disingenuous. It makes no difference to those who react to these grains.

My research into the causes of, and how to put my Hashimoto's into remission all tell me that grains are inflammatory and should be removed from the diet. I know from my own responses that even the tiniest amount of these products can cause a disproportionate response. I couldn't understand why I had woken in the night with my joints so inflamed I couldn't close my fists.Why I felt the crushing weight of fatigue over my whole body. Until after dragging myself around all day and working in the garden I thought I would have a little ice cream. I took one very small spoonful and my mouth immediately reacted, burning and prickling with the instant response. I picked up the container and read with great dismay what had now been included in the recipe.

I will now have to detox for the next couple of weeks and I know that will suffer from fatigue, inflammation and pain for the duration of that two weeks. I am unimpressed with Little Island's lack of information to it's consumers.

To our 'food' industry I say it is time you became aware of the consequences of your actions. A little sticker placed on the top of the product would have alerted those who have allergies to the changes. Do not say this is such a minority of your consumers it is not financially viable as the coconut products that are now on the market are there to fill a gap. That gap is for those that have dairy intolerance's. A word to the wise many people do not have an allergy to just one food group and you will not build trust by poisoning your consumers.

She's lost her mind I tell you!

I'm a little concerned that it appears I was staggering around the course going by the graphic.

Beating Back The Beast - Five weeks, 5 days

The importance of being present in the moment.
Every year at this time when my focus turns to my students end of year gradings this topic comes up. How to achieve our goals, how to stay focused, how to conquer our fears and be the best that we can be. All of these things are well within our control but are lost by feeling overwhelmed. We become overwhelmed when we allow ourselves to step outside the moment we are currently living and experiencing. I experienced it myself on Monday morning when the earthquake hit.

When the quake first rumbled and rolled under our house I coped well, identifying that it was a quake (remember this hit while we were all sleeping) assessing my surroundings and making snap decisions based a plethora of experience with quakes. This quake was long and rolling, the sort we in Canterbury all know will be devastating somewhere. The longer the quake rolled on the more my mind went to the city and all of the folk there.

The last big quake had devastated Christchurch, lives were lost and the city fell. I allowed myself to start to fear for what might have happened there again. The more my mind dwelled on this the less control I had on what was happening around me. In my wish to save the world I was forgetting to care for myself first. It was in this moment I fell into a state of overwhelm. Trying to take on all possibilities whether they had happened or even whether they would happen.

To regain control I had to step back into the moment and look at what I could control there and then. What I could be doing in that moment to care for myself and those around me. This was again a reminder to embrace the lessons I pass on to others.

Stay in the moment in every moment that you are living, the past is gone and cannot be changed. The future has not happened yet so it cannot be influenced unless you work in the moment you are in. I always take this into my karate training. I have learned the hard way over the years as I endeavoured to attain my Black Belt. A grading can seem completely overwhelming if you focus on it as a whole, but if you focus only on the technique or exercise you are asked to perform in any moment it is actually very easy. You can give your best to everything and the things you feared most are easily achieved.

I have not though taken this into my battle with the Beast. I have been looking at this with overwhelm. Focusing on how huge the battle is to change my diet, how restrictive it will be, how depressing family holidays will be. I was not in the moment. I have worried about how my training today will affect my energy and pain levels tomorrow. It is time to live in the moment, it is time to allow how I feel in any given moment dictate how I train, to listen to my body in the moment it will tell me.

Beating the cravings for sugar will be easier if I don't allow myself to be overwhelmed by all the things in the future that I believe I will not enjoy because I cannot have a treat. See when I put it like that it seems very silly. But it is amazing how the brain, when it is allowed to go into overwhelm, will give us cheats no matter how little credibility they have.

 It is time to apply what I have learned in my arts to all of my life. Not just portions of it. It is time to take back control from the Beast by not allowing anxiety over what has happened or what might happen affect the moment I am in. I will deal with what ever comes with focus and calm knowing I am doing my very best in the moment I am in.

Beating Back The Beast- Five weeks.

Focus on fitness. I am pleased with how well my fitness is improving. Today's workout was 20 minutes but it was intense drills. Each drill was followed by either ten sit-ups or ten pushups.  I am finding the my muscles are coping better now that I have removed the chocolate. I get far more reps and they are not tying up so badly. I guess it was the dairy in the chocolate that was causing the problems. I am still having tendinitis issues but even they are much improved on what they were four weeks ago.

I still have days where my energy levels are non existent but I am finding that as my body lets me I can now use exercise to help boost those levels a little at times. This is promising. Instead of crashing completely if I try to do anything physical I am actually getting a little boost. I hope it will continue to improve. There has to be a pay off for eating this bland, restrictive diet.

On a side note a Chinese Crested Powder Puff dog is not always the best training partner, Poet!. His want to be as close as possible to me at all times can become a hindrance, either in the forest when I am stumbling along on my run placing one foot in front of the other or in the confines of my lounge working my drills. I feel under threat of tripping on him on my runs and in the home well lets say he may have a tender paw for a few days after sneaking up behind me. He chose that path as I had put him numerous times on the sofa 2 feet away. Not close enough apparently. So he spent the duration in his crate. Poor hard done by baby.

Poet does not like his man-bun. He continues to try and dislodge it whenever my back is turned.

Beating Back The Beast- four weeks six days

Where did it all begin? I have been doing some research trying to understand why the Beast chose me. Maybe I hope that in discovering the why, I may be closer to answering how! How do I rid myself of the Beast for good.

This research has led me to some interesting information. I will continue to follow these leads and try to uncover more information from further sources. The information I have been reading talks of autoimmune diseases and cancer and the exploding epidemic. It follows this back to the development of the polio vaccination.  Researchers developed two polio vaccines(inactivated and live) grown in cultures made from monkey kidneys. In the 50's these vaccines were given to million's of people around the world.

A cancer causing virus originating in monkeys , SV-40, was discovered in the polio vaccines. The same vaccines that had been administered to these millions of people. This virus SV-40 has been found in brain tumours, bone cancer, lung cancer and leukemia. It can be transmitted from mother to child in utero.

It was also found that the monkeys that were used to develop the polio vaccine were infected with the simian immune deficiency virus ( SIV). This virus is closely related to the (HIV) virus. There are researchers who question whether HIV may actually just be the SIV virus residing and adapting to its human hosts.
Monkey

In 1996 microbiologist  Dr Howard B, Urnovitz spoke at a national AIDS conference. He revealed that up to 26 monkey viruses may have been in the original polio vaccines developed by Salk. This include the simian equivalents of the human echo cirus, Epstein Barr (EBV), coxsackie herpes(HHV-6, HHV7 and HHV8), adenoviruses and cytomegalovirus.  Dr Urnovitz believes the contaminated vaccines given to children between 1955 and 1961 may have set that generation up for immune system damage and neurological disorders. He found correlations between early vaccination campaigns and the sudden emergence of several cancers and  herpes, Epstein Barr and chronic fatigue syndrome.

 I myself have been found to have the Epstein Barr virus in my system. I have worked with Naturopath's to eliminate it. It was what was blamed early on for my chronic fatigue, prior to my diagnosis with Hashimoto's.
I have said this requires much more research on my behalf but as I research I believe it is important to share this information with everyone.

We are force fed immumisations, we are told it is for the good of all. We are pressured and blackmailed into giving these vaccinations to our precious children. If we question the safety of these vaccinations we are called out as uneducated, as irresponsible, but if we delve deeper into the epidemics of ill health that plagues us now, the conditions our grandparents and their parents never suffered from, we start to see startling patterns emerging.

So I leave you where I started....Where did this all begin. I believe it is our responsibility to ask questions, to look for our own answers. I know very well that modern medicine has no answers for me, at least not in this country. So I will look for my own. I do not want to look for conspiracy theories but the fact that we have to search ourselves for this information tells me a lot. There is a very lucrative industry built around autoimmune disorders and cancer. And pharmaceuticals? wow what an industry that is.

Today's workout was moving all the cinder-blocks so I could preparing the area for the garden.

Beating Back The Beast - four weeks, five days.

Fell off the wagon! Yesterday I  ate a small chocolate bar. It didn't taste as I remembered it, it seems to have lost its flavour. What it did do though was turn me into the energiser bunny. My poor students. Just as well my Japanese student wasn't there. he struggles to understand English at the best of times and last night I was speaking so fast I am not sure my English speaking students could understand me. It did mean my work out was also done at high speed.

The chocolate bar yesterday did though reinforce what I know about myself, I reach for sugar in times of stress. Something to watch for in the future. The workout last night was a good destresser  and I am hoping that as my body allows me to train more I will need to reach for the sugar less and less.

I am still disappointed on a daily basis that I am not losing any weight at all. It seems I eat very little and i am increasing my activity levels but weight loss is elusive. I am trying not to let this affect my motivation to stay off the chocolate. The Beast whispers , but it isn't making a difference and look how much energy you had last night. I yell back at the Beast, LOOK AT HOW GOOD I HAVE BEEN FEELING, LOOK AT MY RUN TIME!

The Beast continues to whisper but I did not have chocolate today.

Beating Back The Beast- Four weeks, three days

One Minute! That is what I took off my 2 k run today. A whole freaking minute! Crazily even though I am still running walking and this is, in the scheme of things, a nana run time I am really kind of chuffed with myself.

I have had quite a battle with the beast this week. As I increase my exercise and activity the beast has been biting back with a good dose of fatigue. Hence why I haven't done a blog for several days, I have been completely shattered by evening. This is also why I have chosen to do my blog this afternoon rather than wait until I am once again in a vegetative state this evening.

It's a beautiful day to be challenging my limits and striking a blow against the beast. Sun's shining and it is a lovely warm spring day. I am now running more than walking ....YAY finally. It's a struggle and to call it running is a slight exaggeration but it is more than a walk. Onward and upward.

It may be time for a mini goal. To be running the full 2 k by Christmas. While that probably sounds infinitely achievable for most folk, I am sitting here wondering if I can possibly achieve it. But that is what goals are for, to challenge us, push us to do things outside of our comfort zone. Make us re-evaluate what we are capable of. Once upon a time I would have scoffed at such a goal, my younger self, or back only 7 or so years ago when the Beast was sleeping. Now it seems almost a high as the mountain I had to climb to reach my fitness goals for my black belt.

To paraphrase Sir Edmund Hillary, let's see if we can knock this bastard off too.

Heading out.

Beating Back the Beast - Three weeks, five days

I am fighting back! I didn't eat fruit for two days but the something is still feeding the Beast. I did fall off the wagon today and ate some fruit but otherwise I have stayed strong. I have found without the fruit I am shattered by the evenings, hence why I didn't post after class last night. I did train though and made it a short intense training.

I am going to look into sourcing supplements this week. I need to give my body what it isn't getting from my diet. Eating AIP is not an inexpensive way to live. It is costly and time consuming and then you need to purchase supplements to boost the intake of certain nutrients to help the body fight the constant battle against the beast. A good portion of my time this week will be chasing down supplements that don't contain fillers and tableting agents that feed the beast. No mean feat I can assure you.

The tendonitis I have been experiencing is a little relived today and I believe that is the removal of the fruit but it has not alleviated the swelling or the headaches. I do admit I know it takes longer than a couple of days but I do usually see a marked difference very quickly if it is a food reaction I am experiencing. There are a couple of things I suspect may be the irritants but I am resistant to removing them. The last two things I actually enjoy. That make eating a somewhat bearable experience.

I am hopeful that things will settle without removing them but it is most likely in vain.

Food is Fuel!

Beating back The Beast - Three weeks, Three days

A win to the Beast!

Even without chocolate in my diet and sticking to the autoimmune protocol there are still foods that are feeding the Beast. The inflammation in my joints and tendons was painful today, so no training. It was enough to get through my chores, to train on top of that might have risked injury so today I spend working on the cover of my book instead of on myself.

I haven't managed to nail down what is causing the problems at present but I am on the trail. I am fairly certain that not eating any veggies last night certainly didn't help. As much as I dislike veggies they have to be a mainstay of my diet if I am to beat the Beast. How I envy those folk who love veggies. If only I could dress them up with sauces or dressings but instead I get the full joy of all their flavours.

I tried pineapple today as a fruit. That may not have been the best option but I wanted to stay away from pears today. It becomes obvious I should just forego fruit altogether but trading fruit for veggies is not a winning deal in my eyes.

So I acknowledge the Beast's win and allow it it's victory for today, tomorrow I take back the podium!

Chicken and salad .....again!